UNLOCKING THE VAULT

i want to remind myself actually that whatever opportunities that may come to my front door, always remember who i am and do not forget my roots... i use to think that there is only one same set of roots to our tree of life just like the trees that grow and landscaping our lands... i sometimes get blurry what is it meant by our root... what actually defines the root... our parent's words of wisdom? or our cultural identity? or both? or it is just simply stick to our good principles that we usually develop in our own conscience stage by stage year by year... i dont have the answer yet... but the older i get i realize that these roots can change... depends on how we wills it or want it... i think the need to change always comes on the precipice of major crisis or after it... when we are standing on the ledge and knows that how a change that we perform might save us from the trouble...

some people want to change and some people do not want to give up their long-held identity for a new one... the funnier situation that i have experienced is that sometimes people really really want to change themselves but they couldnt but some people just changed without they even knowing that they are changing... i happened to be the latter... i noticed that for the past 3 years i have changed to someone new... someone that only i know the difference... and maybe people who are really close to me... i use to like who i am 6 years ago but the negative thing about me back then was i kind of didnt care or irresponsible to myself at that time... but i think that i was happier... people who used to be around me 6 years ago may find themselves in shock if they meet me right now because the Faizul they knew maybe has changed a bit... i used to be the joker 24 7 and always have unusual and creative prank ideas to amuse my friends... i was the library or a manual of pranks back then... but now i am more serious and think that what i did back then maybe a bit childish and stupid... and actually i dont realize since when i throw that piece of me away... sometimes i miss that character so much but i dont know how to find that treasure anymore... i still have the jokes but the pranks and the wild craziness are just in the spur of the moment nowadays... i guess it all started when i have been in so many crushing incidents that really get me down to my knees and almost make feel want to give up living... since then i try to stand up and back to my feet again and maybe along the way i may surrendered a part of my identity...

but what i am really glad and thankful is my most basic roots and principles are still stand firm in me... i am glad that i havent change in that aspect... the human aspect... i am still human inside... still have the love for myself, for other people and for the nature... up until now i havent try drugs or alcohol and i dont pick up cigarettes for a habit.yes i may smoke a puff or more before but i think that it is not my kind of thing... and i am not a club person... i have entered it a few times and i dont really like the surroundings... a music lounge or music bar is okay to me... but i have respect to all my friends who love all of the above stuffs... if they like and enjoy to live with it, then i have to respect them... as long as they do not mean any harm to themselves or others and we still keep the good relationship between us... i still love and treat them as my brothers and sisters... because i think everybody decides for themselves what they want in their lives and nobody should interfere even if it is the wrong one... maybe some of you do not agree by saying that we should guide and advise them to live a good life... but to me, if they come to me asking about my opinion, i will give my true and honest opinion but i will not interfere their decision... it is up to themselves to decide what is best for them... if they decide to change then i will be happy but let them decide when the time comes for them to change.. if they ask for my help then i lend my hand... this is why i feel that i am not fit enough to join politics because our highest leaders are forced to make decisions for all people and what's best for the country even sometimes his decisions are against the favor of some people...

so i guess that we should embrace change if it is a good one... if we change to something bad, find our way home and always remember our faith and where we stand... i may change again in the future. i do not possibly know... but do not look change as problems... look at it as a gift... accept people for who they are or who they were and who they will become... i think i dont prefer to look back to the roots because the roots will be stuck at the same place but i want to always follow my rainbow... it does not stick to one place... it leads me to anywhere, to different possibilities and new changes but the colors of the rainbow are always the same wherever it goes... our identity are the colors of the rainbow and wherever we go or whatever may happens to us, stick to our identity and who we are...