at last i get to pave my way to write some thoughts in this blog...fuhh!! it is quite hell of a time since i JENGUK2 my blog.. not to say that im busy but id rather say that i feel reluctant on much of my life's occasion and i simply let things and time pass by just like that without fulfilling it with something useful.. well im stuck here in shah alam while all my other friends are already back having their frizzy dizzy hols at their hometown.. so right now i feel the density of solitary around me.. much trapped in oblivion and in exile.. nothing much to do in this condition.. just me and four sides of brick wall a ceiling and a floor... prison with no bars... but i feel that sometimes only and not all the time... i dont like loneliness but somehow i enjoy being lonely sometimes.. because i will have more time for myself reflecting and wandering the aspects of my life and i dont have to care for other people's feelings.. and the benefit of being lonely is when you are too bored, you will have more initiative to do something useful... well of course it depends on the type of that person but it works for me there... there are more useful things that i managed to do when im alone compared to the times when im surrounded by my friends... its not like i dont like being around my buddies.. i love hanging out and having fun with them and i need them in my life to lighten me up in my days but it is normal that at some point you need a time on your own for your own stuffs, right?
but this time this condition, it is not my wish to stick around at shah alam... i need to complete my mandatory task in the forms of research paper that i must make sure it is done flawlessly so i can get out of this student life soon and start a new phase in my life which is career phase which i cant wait to experience it... ok.enough on my pathetic story.. lets go to the main issue... people always have the feeling of homesick when they are far away from their family... i have quite a number of friends who is diagnosed with this syndrome... in my case im surprisingly doesnt feel it too much and i cant explain why i dont feel that way... what defines home for everybody? some say, a home is where all family members are together where you can meet them... some say a place where they were born and live their life clocks... and some say home is a familiar place with familiar faces or foods where they are comfortable with... all of the above are true... i can say that kind of home is called a biological home because you are born there and your family are there and everyone else speaks the same language... but there are always another place that we can call home... and i think that if we are happy to live in one place where we feel very comfortable and can satisfy our basic and specific needs, i also call that place a home... and i think that can be called a psychological home... sometimes psychological home is better because it is more self-fulfilling and the tendency of not having to feel frustrated is higher... if the biological home can be also the psychological home, then it is better... some people think that biological home is not enough for satisfying their needs... yes they may have their family and friends around but there are some needs inside us that purging out and want us to go elsewhere where that need can be satisfied... a biological home is something that we dont have to find... it is a gift for us from the beginning... while a psychological home is something that we must find on our own and from the experience of many, it is not easy... many has given up and quit in search of a new place that can fulfill their needs and dreams, a place they can call home because of the difficulties of having to adapt to totally new place new culture and away from all those familiar faces from home although we know that that place can fulfill and satisfy our needs... so from up there, we can conclude that a biological home is a home for us from our days of sucking our thumbs until we done studying and we have to listen to our parents and getting our degrees and the search for psychological home starts afterwards where we realize that we need a life of our own and to live it our way..
my dear friends, have you find your "home"? if you havent then we are together in this quest as i also in search for a place where i can call home for the rest of my life... so good luck to all of you and myself.. either we prevail or down from a sucker punch one day, only time and we ourselves knows...
